From the Discarded Christmas Card Dept.

We get several Christmas cards every year from people we can't remember ever meeting. We also get year-end family newsletters, using the holidays as an excuse to tell us how great all their kids are doing and how active and happy the couple has been in reaching their goals and marking one more successful spin around the sun.

But what if these newsletters were a little more honest and transparent?

Year-End Newsletter From the Danfords!

Hi everybody!

The Danford Family has been really busy this year!

In February Husband Bob was asked to end his "working at home" routine and return to the office. Of course he refused. The post-Covid habit patterns were just too ingrained. Exchanging his pajamas for a suit and tie was scary. And it seemed like the office would not be a "safe place" anymore - Bob might be subject to intrusive accountability requests from his boss.

So Bob quit and started a new career. He's been making small wooden toys and minimalist nativity scenes in the garage for sale online. The bandsaw and the lathe have really been kicking up the sawdust out there lately! Haven't seen any toys yet, but there have been several beer runs, just this week. (It's unclear what's really going on in there, Bob!).

Wife Kimberly meanwhile became leader of her book club this fall. The first book she chose turned out to be on the banned list of the local school library, and several of the ladies objected. After weeks of negotiations, they all agreed on a historical romance novel, "Highlander Kisses," about star-crossed lovers who meet just before the battle of Stirling Bridge in Scotland in 1297. After months of sexual tension, the couple consummates their marriage after a secret wedding ceremony in London as William Wallace is being drawn and quartered down the street. A heartwarming story!

Our son Steve got a metal detector for Christmas last year. Since then he's collected a growing pile of worthless metal bric-a-brac, which now fills his room. Usually, teenager boys are starting to get interested in girls, but not Steve - at least not yet! He's been locked in his room using all that metal to build some kind of robotic drone-like machine, which he claims will be guided by AI algorithms to "put everything right again" in our society. Reach for the stars, Steve!

Little Marilyn broke her arm last week trying to get the cat out of our Christmas tree. Nasty fall! We took her to the hospital, dropping the cat off on the way at animal control to be "re-homed." Soon Marilyn will be back practicing with her softball league, which came in third place in the citywide championship game last spring. Got the trophy to prove it!

Four-year-old Tommy is learning to read and making friends at his preschool. After missing a year because of the pandemic, he enjoys taking breaks from our grueling, five-hour evening tutoring sessions. Yes, Tommy, 5 plus 3 equals 8! Good job!

Our schnauzer Adolf is just like one of the family. He sends out a hearty "Woof!" to all you human friends. After years of trying to figure out why he was always humping our legs, we strapped steel wool pads to our pants cuffs, and that solved the problem after only a few days. Ouch! Poor Adolf!

As many of you know, cousin Diane [not in picture] has been staying with us for a few months while her parents "sort out some things" in their marriage (and it's about time!) Took us a while to get used to her "Goth" outfits and attitude, but now we let her sit at the dinner table with the rest of the family. She has really spruced up the closet where she sleeps with her rock music posters and black lights. You go girl!

We renovated our house during the summer, knocked out a wall and improved our kitchen with a cute central bar and sink. You can barely see the damage from the category 4 hurricane that came through in June. Thanks for the relief and aid many of you sent during that trying time. The weeks spent in the refugee sanctuary downtown was a learning experience that should remind us all to be thankful for what we've got.

Heading into the New Year, we're all trying to stay positive. At least that's what our therapist told us to do.

Happy Holidays!