Which Christian Conference is Right for You?

photo caption: nakedpastor.com

For those looking for faith-based fellowship, here's a curated list of upcoming Christian conferences geared toward a wide range of believers. Happy Christian conference hunting!

As reported by Charisma News, the leading news outlet for the TBN Tribe, the Reawaken America Tour (Fall 2022) "encourages faith-filled patriots to kill fear, expose truth." Headlined by former General Michael Flynn, this revival features a rotating list of Christian crusaders such as Roger Stone, Alex Jones, Mike Lindell, Sidney Powell, and Greg Locke. See a photo essay from one of their praiseworthy bible based events here.

Is it time for you to wash your face, stop apologizing, and put your life together? If so, then purchase tickets this fall to hear Christian motivational speaker, blogger, and branded bestselling author Rachel Hollis teach you how to promote toxic positivity and commit plagiarism via the MLM (multi-level marketing) industry while controlling the conversation.

The Christians Engaged Conference (September 23-24, 2022) gives political prayer warriors the chance to pray, vote, and engage with revisionist historian Eric Metaxas and other powerful prayer warriors as they arm themselves for battle against the godless left. 

Flourish with the National Association of Evangelicals on October 4-5, 2022 by exploring with fellow white evangelicals how to turn this biblical boat around by engaging with hard conversations on the toughest issues facing the Church today. (FYI-in light of the latest news surrounding former NEA President Ted Haggard, our sessions on #churchtoo have been canceled.)

The Purity Conference sponsored by U-Turn Ministries (November 11-13, 2022) gives non-fornicating fundamentalists a space to come for powerful teachings on patriarchy and purity culture, worship designed to get their pants on fire to receive a special anointing, and life-changing messages to empower young people to live pure! Possible sponsors include the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, Joshua Generation Ministries, The Abstinence Clearing House, and Setting Captives Free-Purity Boot Camp. 

To commemorate National Swear Day (January 31, 2023), the Outlaw Preachers will rise like a phoenix from the ashes to present the Cussing Christian Conference. Highlights include: keynote addresses from branded biblical badasses Nadia Bolz-Weber and Mark Driscoll; a conversation with Bolz-Weber, sexual abuse investigator turned perpetrator Tullian Tchividjian and disgraced Hillsong pastor Carl Lentz regarding how you too can market yourself as a tattooed theologian; workshops designed to help remove the stains from any spiritual and sexual sins you may have committed in your quest for faith-based fame; a Swearology Smackdown where you can practice your newfound holy hipster swearing skills; and a closing drum circle that includes anointing with biblical beard oil along with candles and Coldplay. (Due to the private nature of this event, media coverage of this event will not be permitted. All conversations about slamming and swearing will take place via our private social media network.) 

Celebrate National Masturbation Day (May 7, 2023) at the Christian Copulation Conference. Explore Christain Friendly Sex Positions (CFSP), participate in jerkoffs for Jesus, get left behind with a replay of Tim and Beverly LaHaye's sex videos, delve into bible based sex studies, and engage in shameless sex with Josh Harris. All participants will receive a replica of the mini vagina sculpture made from purity rings that Nadia Bolz-Weber gave to feminist icon Gloria Steinem. 

The Cooked Goose Festival (July 13-16, 2023) is a feast of leftover progressive Christian conversations designed to inspire art, music, story, theater, and spectacle. #BlacklivesmatterAlly #LGBTAlly #affirmingchristian #newkindofchristian #RedLetterChristian #emergingfaith #TheNewMoralMajority #OnlineActivism #FaithfulAmerica #theologicaltriggers #recoveringevangelcial #lovethesinnerandthesin #drummingcircles #BrandedBeerAndHymns #LoveWins #TattooTheology #PastoralPiercings #ChristianityLite #BuyMyBook #theconfessionalpod.

Hosted by the Evangelical Environmental Network, this ongoing series of gatherings will provide Christians with enough materials (all printed on recycled paper) along with sustainably sourced food designed to provide committed armchair activists with all the tools they need to tackle climate change from the comfort of their couch. Carbon offset credits will be available for purchase thus ensuring participants can remain creation care conscious while also traveling in style. 

Dogs Who Love the Lord, a gathering held on National Dog Day (August 26, 2023) puts into action this beloved phrase once used frequently by The Wittenburg Door. Features include doggie devotionals, biblical barking circles, petting prayers, and pastoral pet care. 

A/theism in Action represents rebirth and rebranding of the ongoing dialogue between believers (aka Christians) and heathens (aka atheists) about how to create common ground by building bridges to nowhere. This seminal gathering will be held at a communal place that can welcome all in the spirit of mutuality and radical inclusion. (Note: This event has been canceled due to an inability to find any pseudospiritual sponsors willing to host this irreligious reunion.)

An earlier version of this article was previously published at Only Sky Media.

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