Don't Take Us for Granted: Pledge Now!

As you're probably aware, we're in the middle of The Door's Spring Pledge Drive.

For the past several weeks, we've posted no original material. Zero. Nada. Why? So you would realize the anxiety and panic of facing a fallen and meaningless world without The Door as your guide.

Sure, you've faithfully read, "liked" and reposted our humor articles and spiritual insights over the past year, but without really appreciating us, am I right?

Maybe in the past few weeks you've thought to yourself, "Am I going crazy, or is this what it feels like to sail the dangerous seas of societal breakdown and human despair all alone?"

We want to support you, our readers, in your daily struggles, we really do. But it takes cash, folks. You think our last name is Bezos or something?

Creativity is elusive. It is not easy to learn or manage... or pay for.

Imagine the cost of paying our writers, renting office space, paying soaring electric bills. Heck, just heating our Vancouver offices takes up 68 percent of our annual budget. Because they're in Canada! Add in pencils, paper and Internet connection charges, not to mention our editor's therapy sessions and the bills just become overwhelming.

Plus, there's travel. Sometimes our reporting takes us to far-flung religious conventions, Bible cruises and visits to the Noah's Ark Encounter in Williamstown, KY.

(Of course, we ourselves pay for personal items like coffee, our monthly bitcoin purchase, paying off the bail-bondsman after Chris's little "excursion" to Vegas, and Gus's hemorrhoid pillow).

Bottom Line: Taking The Door for granted would be the WORST mistake you could make in your whole LIFE, believe me.

If you respond within the next hour, your name will be added to a drawing to win the original assignments notebook used by our Managing Editor Murray Stiller, complete with sticky tabs and a small grease stain from the pastrami sandwich he ate on Feb. 17.

Also, we have gift offers—like a paper bag imprinted with the Door logo and signed by some of our staff. Or maybe the coffee mug that Murray uses as a paper weight.

If you have reveled in the witty satire and poignant articles we (usually) publish week by week, please take this opportunity to pledge. Right now. Like, open your Venmo app and send the money WITHIN THE NEXT FIVE MINUTES.

Thank you.