[1]

By John Green

London—The right-wing activist group Citizens Against Muslim Political Infiltration (CAMPI) stirred up shockwaves of controversy Tuesday by producing evidence that the Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Williams, is actually Yusuf Islam, the artist formerly known as Cat Stevens.

Commenting on Williams' recent statements endorsing the adoption of Sharia law to maintain "social cohesion" in Britain, CAMPI spokesman Martin Brentwhistle noted the archibishop's “scary, obviously false eyebrows,” then presented photographs of the famous singer that were at first mistaken for the Anglican leader. He also referenced a YouTube video of Archbishop Williams bursting into a rendition of "Morning Has Broken" while conducting a service at St Paul’s Cathedral.

“The substitution was incredibly easy to perpetrate,” said Brentwhistle. “All they had to do was die his hair gray and tack on the fake eyebrows. Cat Stevens is a Londoner, so he already had the accent. This is the latest in a long series of attempts by radical Muslims to infiltrate and control British society.”

Literature distributed by CAMPI also referenced the 1993 movie Dave, in which the American President suffers a fatal stroke and is replaced by a look-alike. The brochure encourages concerned citizens to approach the Archbishop and ask him to autograph Cat Stevens CDs as a means of “flushing out the imposter, and letting him know we’re onto his little charade.”

In a phone conversation with a London Times reporter, the Archbishop’s personal assistant Sarah Walker dismissed the charges as “silly rubbish” and claimed that Williams' eyebrows are “naturally bushy and one hundred percent real.”