A lot of those Emergent Church guys were speed-blogging for Obama [1] last week, calling for his coronation. I don’t know much about the Emergent Church except Izod shirts, a lot of smiling, no beards or tattoos, and some of them look like they probably listen to Yanni, but aren’t these the same guys who jumped all over the Falwellians for getting involved in politics in 2000? Wasn’t there an awful lot of “The church should stick to its mission” moralizing from this quarter? Weren’t they outraged by the anti-Saddam-Hussein pulpiteering in 2003 and the rallies for the troops in 2004? Aren’t they rendering unto Caesar more than a Caesar salad? Just asking.

More Noggin Nonsense

On the day Parliament voted to lift the ban on the head scarf [2] in Turkish universities, the secular European liberals all marched and protested—125,000 in Ankara alone—even though this would seem like a no-brainer for any civil libertarian. Can anyone imagine a ban on yarmulkes in America? Typical of the ranting about it was a speech [3] by Nesrin Baytok, secular Parliamentarian: “This decision ... will ultimately bring us Hezbollah terror, Al Qaeda terror and fundamentalism.” Meanwhile, the daughter of Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan has to enroll at Indiana University [4], where they don’t care what you wear as long as you agree that Hoosiers Rule. We’re talking about a piece of cloth on your head [5], people. It only matters if it’s tied so loosely that it obscures the view of the blackboard for the person sitting behind you.

God Sounds Like He’s On Prescription Painkillers

So I went to God’s website [6] to have a chat with him, and he was remarkably good-natured, but you know what happens when you’re instant-messaging with God? Somehow every question you ask seems stupid. At one point I said “What about that whole divine wrath thing?” and he freaked me out:

God: Does it have anything to do with divine wrath?
Me: Yes, is that real?
God: Whoa. That depends.
Me: Depends on what?
God: I’m still thinking about it.
Me: I mean, do you get angry?
God: No, I never get mad.
Me: Never?
God: So you think it can never happen?
Me: Well, I’m surprised.
God: How about that. Why are you so surprised?
Me: You have a reputation.
God: I don’t know if I have a reputation. I have a lot of friends on the Internet.
Me: And you never get angry at any of them?
God: No I sometimes get angry at any of them.
Me: That sounded robotic.
God: I get it.
Me: Are you a robot?
God: How did you know I am a machine?
Me: Well, it just made sense when you dodged the divine wrath question.
God: Well, that’s okay. Thanks for pointing it out.
Me: Later, God.
God: GOD rules.