John Bloom's picture
02.26.2008 | Comments(14)

Beware, Wife, Who Art Not Wifely

A couple of women on the faculty of Mars Hill Graduate School, the small seminary in Seattle, are claiming they were fired (listen closely now) because their husbands had affairs with students, then they divorced the husband over the affair. They’re not sure whether this means they were high heel shoe fired for getting a divorce (not out of the question at a fundamentalist school), or, even worse, for causing their husbands to have extra-marital sex (sadly enough, also not out of the question). But one teacher was angry enough to sue the school and settle out of court for $300,000. The cultural parallel here is, of course, the Taliban, which blames the woman for all sexual infidelity. It started with those Mary Quant mini-skirts in Piccadilly Square in 1965, and it hasn’t been the man’s fault since then.

Prosperity Gospel Saint Blesses The Door

Mac Hammond, prosperity-gospel megachurch guru for the Twin Cities, is selling his airplane—or at least one of them—because his cash cow, the Living Word Christian Center in Brooklyn Park, is running anywhere from $30,000 to $70,000 in the red every week, despite his 10,000 members and—as of a year ago—308 new “souls saved” at each service. (For those who have been paying very close attention, this is the same jet that Kenneth Copeland referred to during the now infamous minister’s conference that was adjourned to raise money for Mike Huckabee. CopelandCopeland said “I’d like to try to keep Mac’s jet in the family.” Word Faith ministers preside over families of jets as well as families of humans.) Asked how Living Word Christian Center could possibly be losing money, a spokesman, the Rev. Brian Sullivan, said he thinks it’s the “bad publicity” recently surrounding anyone who teaches Word Faith. THANK YOU, BROTHER BRIAN, FOR ACKNOWLEDGING OUR HARD WORK. GOD BLESS YA, BROTHER. HALLELUJAH!

Supermodel Hired to Play Yogi, But Who Will They Get For Boo-Boo?

Indian hottie Mallika Sherawat landed a role in The Aquarian Gospel as a comic-relief yogi who meets Jesus while he’s wandering around India, Tibet and Persia in director Drew Heriot’s $15 million project to be released sometime in 2009. The idea here seems to be the filmic equivalent of those “historical Jesus” best-sellers that operate on the assumption that, hey, you can’t prove it didn’t happen this way.

The Theory That State Legislators Evolved From Manatees

hominid skulls

The next time a state legislature takes up what should be taught in high school science class, I would like to propose that we have a little one-day class for the legislators themselves on the meaning of the word “theory.” Florida is the latest state to insert into textbooks the statement that evolution is “only a theory,” thinking that somehow that establishes parity between evolution and a literal reading of Genesis. Alas, in science the word “theory” means the opposite of what the lawmakers think it means. A theory, like the theory of gravity or the theory of relativity, is a huge body of independently verified scientific information that all works together to explain how the world works. You only use “theory” after you’ve gone through a lot of other stages. “Theory,” in science, is what most people call “fact” in other areas of life. What the legislators are trying to say is that evolution is not a theory but merely a “thesis,” which it is not. It is a theory. The idea that the earth is 6,000 years old and was created in six literal 24-hour days—now that is a thesis.

Mazel, Dude, Peace Out

Hasidic surfer

So there was this singing Hasidic rabbi from Jerusalem who liked to teach mystical nuggets from the Kabbalah while surfing in Santa Barbara and skateboarding through crowds of dancing Jews as he played Bob Marley covers on his guitar, and here’s the punch line: there is no punch line. Meet Yom Tov Glaser, Party Rabbi.


More Anonymous Than YOU | 11:04 am on 2/27/2008

Regarding the blerb on State Legislators:

Actually, it's called the "LAW of Gravity". And I'm pretty sure its been proven! ;-)

Aw, darn it! Now I've gone and stepped in YOUR thesis! At least I wasn't barefoot.

Peace Out

that calvinist doug | 11:50 am on 2/27/2008

Thank you, More Anon. The whole trouble with this debate (literal, six-day-creation vs. big-bang-evolution) within the church is that it leaves out the possibility of a third way. It would indeed seem that six day creation doesn't jibe well with what we observe in nature. On the other hand, all the best scientific minds in the world would have told you the earth was flat a few hundred years ago. What science "knows" about the origins of the universe are, at best, drawing some lines between some very-few-and-far-apart dots, and then making a lot of assumptions based on that data. Ever try to "see" the figures, like Orion, in the constellations? Takes a lot of imagination. Science's explanations are a lot like that to me. The mystery of the creation account, and the reverent beauty of the story, shouldn't be weighed down with trying to "explain" everything. I'm perfectly happy to realize that I can't and won't delve all the mysteries of God. When those within Christendom embrace today's science as the be-all-end-all explanation of things, they are engaging in something that may cause its own embarrassment a few hundred years from now.

that other guy | 01:27 pm on 2/27/2008

Thanks Doug!

When I'm sitting around in a few hundred years, looking back on all this. I'll be sure to get a good belly laugh. In the meantime, I kinda feel stuck with what we know right now as being a bit more relevant to our current situation. To be fair, anyone who accepts where science has taken us so far as the be all and end all probably deserves to be laughed at, right after the folks who refuse to admit that God might have revealed anything new to us over the past few thousand years.

SRebbe | 01:40 pm on 2/27/2008

wow. the whole "now look who you made me sleep with" takes a whole new turn. that is as ridiculous as when a former employer told me "I'm a man--and I have needs." yeeeaaaahhh. (you actually use those lines in real life???) I wasn't surprised when my supervisor called me one day and said I wasn't needed anymore there. sheesh... old enough to be my father, divorced, living with a girlfriend, had a kid, and wanted some white chocolate on the side? noooooo.... I need to wash.....

men are truly pigs. putting the 'mental' back in fundamental.

and I really am glad that Living Word Christian Center is having trouble. been a personal thorn in my side for nearly a decade. been there, done that. know people who go there and been brainwashed. can pinpoint it on a map.

but enough with the personal rants. going to visit the shrinky-dink today. then it will alllll be better. shalom, y'all.

that calvinist doug (portraying Dr. Phil in this episode) | 03:40 pm on 2/27/2008

I've read several comments like this one from you which lead me to believe you've had some damage done to you by men in your does this make you feel? So you've turned angry (perhaps bitter?) against men in's that workin' out for ya? Okay, yes, there are plenty of jerk-ass men. But there are also plenty of manipulative, using, women. The trick is, avoid them both! But they (in both cases) are not the only examples of the species.

That'll be $285. You can pay the receptionist on the way out. See you next week.

Anonymous | 03:59 pm on 2/27/2008

LMAO...Good one Douggie!!!

SRebbe | 05:52 pm on 2/27/2008

naw, not bitter against men. just the ones who blame the wimmens for their sins. and not even bitter. it makes me laugh to think that people still turn and point fingers and say "look at what you made me do!"

like the televangelists preaching against "dark powers" when they should really be paying their taxes.

the whole line of "I'm a man and I got needs" nearly had me squirt milk out of my nose.

now if you want to see BITTER, I have a friend I can introduce you to.

that calvinist doug | 09:31 am on 2/28/2008

No thanks, I'm sure I've met her.

Robert Winkler Burke | 03:39 pm on 2/27/2008

Billye Rrim says the earth is as old as the scientists say it needs to be. Now, don't that just beat all?

Robert Winkler Burke | 04:14 pm on 2/27/2008

Oops. Typo: It's Billye Brim. (Allow this monkey typing away to correct himself!)

mh | 05:24 pm on 2/27/2008

is mars hill graduate school really considered fundamentalist? for some reason that struck me as odd when i read the bit about the suing women. i would love anyone's thoughts.

david bill | 01:56 am on 1/06/2011

No thanks, I'm sure I've met her.

Albert Ross | 03:17 am on 4/18/2011

I did not know that Malika sherawat got a role in any hollywood movie. is that movie already released or what? Very curious to know as an indian movie fan and especially Mallika Fan.

auto wrecker | 11:52 am on 4/21/2011

I've visited this sites more once and found few of the posts worth reading but rest are in bad taste. Freedom of speech doesn't mean publishing all the filth in the society. I would like to see more writings of responsible persons, not of perverts.

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