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DISCUSSHardcore Baptist Pick-up Lines
01/24/2008By Scott La Counte
Baby, you’re like a burning bush. I feel like Moses, all I want is a glimpse of the Promised Land.
You look like the whore of Babylon—and I mean that in a good way.
I would walk through the valley of the shadow of death if I thought my rod or staff could comfort you.
You look like Ruth from the Bible. She was a Christian—at least she would have been if she was born a few hundred years later. Are you a Christian? Because I only court Christians, and I’m very interested in courting you if your father says it’s okay.
Everything you say is moving my heart and I don’t think it’s just because you’re speaking in tongues. Is there an ancient language called Babe?
I used to believe only faith could make a sick person well until I saw you, because, baby, you just healed something deep inside me that I'd never let Benny Hinn touch.
Baby, the rapture's coming soon-let’s hold each other tight before the non-Christians wage war and kill us all.
I’m sure glad your mama was pro-life.
Let’s go back to my place—I've got the complete VeggieTales.
Bathsheba was naked before David, and that worked out in a totally Biblical way. I'm sure you'll be way more awesome than she was.
Hey, babe, if you were the mission, then I'd be a missionary.
Never trust an anonymous bible quoter.
Effen A.
Thanks for the reminder. I was about to launch into a comment involving farm animals. Instead I'll just give thanks. Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving.
Ok. I am not anonymous anymore. You can even e-mail me (runner0215@hotmail.com). As a Christian I respect the man that died for me, when I don't deserve it. I respect the man tried to show people this is how you do it. I respect the man by not dragging or even joking about his name or what he has done (he was laid in the tomb..come on that just SUCKS!). When I first say the article's title I figure it was going to show how we Christians make fools out of ourselves. I was wrong. The comments alone proves that alone. I agree that we are all the same, sinful creatures. I laughed at worst jokes than these, but I have also been convicted and I make an effort to avoid them. However, what sets me apart is that I know I am sinful, I accept the grace/forgiveness of a perfect God and make an effort to be different. The bible quote was given as something to think about. That was all.
No need to explain.
One wonders what the *female* pick up lines might be:
"Beat me once and month and I'm all yours!"
"I'll obey you if you'll just not rape me."
Hey big boy, I've heard about your witnessing tool. Evangelize me, Evangelize me.
You feel me up, baby, and lift me up...wanna come to the garden alone? Prime Baptist!
correction: You feel me (c)up, baby, and lift me up...wanna come to the garden alone? Maybe some of the younger dudes will now get it.
Charismatic pick-up lines: Oh Charismatic girls, I just love what you do with your tongues!
Great posts, especially those from BJ. Some of the funniest stuff I've seen online in a while. Keep it up!
I have meat to eat that you do not understand.
If only thy legs were the Red Sea, so little Moses could part them.
what do you guys think HELL is going to be like
what do you guys think HELL is going to be like?
How about one for the S&M crowd:
Baby, my rod and my staff will comfort you.
Sorry about the last post. I forgot they used that in the original list.
Baby I can't pull out, or God will kill me like Onan
I have often asked my wife to ungird her loins as it was time for "seedtime and harvest."
She has often replied, "What, you tired of having your hand to your plow?"
Lines that we came up with in seminary:
I'm from, and we're both well-endowed.
Adam and Eve were closer to God when they were naked.
Praying isn't that only thing you can do on your knees.
Want to go to church with me tomorrow morning? Should I call you or nudge you?
Want to help raise my Ebenezer?
That first one should be:
I'm from -insert name of seminary-, and we're both well endowed.
Oh, Shawn - you are so busted. What are you doing contributing to this filth?
[Neal to self: Damn. I wish I could have thought of some of these...]
Oh, Shawn - you are so busted. What are you doing contributing to this filth?
[Neal to self: Damn. I wish I could have thought of some of these...]
I know! terrible these seminary students these days spending time reading the wittenburg door instead of doing exegetical assignments.
My contribution - Hey baby I think we need a personal southern baptist convention
Excuse me, Miss, I believe one of your ribs belongs to me...
YOW THIS SHIT IS REALLY SOME STUPID JUNK...I DON'T MIND THE BIBLE QUOTING AND ALL BUT AT LEAST PUT SOME SENSE AND HUMOUR TO IT SO I CAN LAUGH THE WAY I WOULD IF YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT A STUPID, SLUTTY BLONDE....MAKEDA, JAMAICA.
save to my Bookmarks :)
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Nice lines!
:)
Here are a few more:
Was your father an alien? Cos honey on planet earth there's nothing else like you!
Hi. I'm an astronaut, and my next mission is to explore Uranus.
I know I'm not a grocery item but I can tell when you're checking me out.
Do you mind if I hang out here until its safe back where I farted?
Life without you would be like a broken pencil... pointless.
Kiss me if I am wrong, but isn't your name (take a guess) ...Janice????
Your body is a wonderland and I want to be Alice.
I'm like chocolate pudding; I look like crap but I’m as sweet as can be.
Do you know karate? 'Cause your body is really kickin'.
:)
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