PRINT
EMAIL
DISCUSSHardcore Baptist Pick-up Lines
01/24/2008By Scott La Counte
Baby, you’re like a burning bush. I feel like Moses, all I want is a glimpse of the Promised Land.
You look like the whore of Babylon—and I mean that in a good way.
I would walk through the valley of the shadow of death if I thought my rod or staff could comfort you.
You look like Ruth from the Bible. She was a Christian—at least she would have been if she was born a few hundred years later. Are you a Christian? Because I only court Christians, and I’m very interested in courting you if your father says it’s okay.
Everything you say is moving my heart and I don’t think it’s just because you’re speaking in tongues. Is there an ancient language called Babe?
I used to believe only faith could make a sick person well until I saw you, because, baby, you just healed something deep inside me that I'd never let Benny Hinn touch.
Baby, the rapture's coming soon-let’s hold each other tight before the non-Christians wage war and kill us all.
I’m sure glad your mama was pro-life.
Let’s go back to my place—I've got the complete VeggieTales.
Bathsheba was naked before David, and that worked out in a totally Biblical way. I'm sure you'll be way more awesome than she was.
Hey, babe, if you were the mission, then I'd be a missionary.
Somehow...I don't think the words "burning bush" would stoke that much attraction.
Perhaps the bush has seen too much attention already if it's burning.
What is this? You can't have a conversation anymore without bringing Britney Spears into it.
redhead?
Hey Baby have sex with me and you will be assured a place in heaven. It worked for Earl Paulk.
.....Earl Paulk and Jimmy Swaggart.....TWICE!!
Swaggart only watched.
The most obvious for the hardcore:
No sex baby.... that could lead to dancing!!!!
Since I'm not Catholic I normally don't talk to anyone while I'm standing in the liquor store line, but you have the most amazing eyes....
Hey Baby, My peter is a rock, and the cock is crowing.
Sure it's ok Baby. WWJD. The Bible says he was laid in a tomb.
That response was really sick and inappropriate.
Thanks!
Welcome to our youth group. I'm glad you could finally make it. I'm sure you will enjoy the fellowship. Feel free to clap, dance, jump, however the spirt leads you. Translation - You have got one nice pair of tits. I've been wanting to bend you over the foosball table for a long time.
Oh my! Seriously, I need to thank for you posting this. What a way to start a Friday off, huh?
Just like it says in Genesis 43 Baby, God has put a treasure in my sack.
Baby you make me feel like Balaam because your ass is definitely speaking to me.
Wow, BJ! And to think I was afraid my post might be too much. Dude, seek help.
Remember the title is "Hardcore" Baptist Pick up Lines.
So THAT'S why that church has an electric guitar and keyboard in its "praise band"...to play those rockin' tunes that go so well with the action. ::Grinds around the room to the tune of "Shall we gather at the river"::
If you think this is bad look at my post under Things you would never hear Jesus say.
Even worse is the Megachurch vision statement.
I'm sorry you were offended. By the way, do you have a sister?
I vote this one as best in the nonexistent poll. (Although "he was laid in a tomb" comes in a close second.)
BJ, I just peed my pants a little bit after reading this one!!!! It's the best by far! You're sick...but Thanks for making me LMAO!!!!
I knew my MDiv would come in handy one day.
Is this baptistry water cold or are you just happy to see me?
Hey, how you doin? Hallelujah.
"You scream Bitch, I'll cut you, Judges 19!"
(hey can you make any money Writting fir Wittinbirg door?)
Sorry Country:
To write here, you need to know how to speul and not be mono-syllabic (use little words). How long were you homeschooled?
Well, he at least needs to be able to misspell Wittenberg less incorrectly....
:)
i jus crossd over da us/mexican border evry day wit mi bruthers, sesters aand couzins, to a skool in tExas. i kould be the nex mark twane ritin bout it. i gotta git a start soimewhere, the wittinbird door es rigte up mi ally. i knwo lots of jokes!
Burning Bush ?....does that mean the chick has V D or something?
I think it's a political statement.
These comments our better then my original article!
Scott
You mean just being a baptist isn't enough to score?
Only if your Bill Clinton.
Hey Scott, just curious. Did you guys crop the picture of the blonde after the original posting. I could have sworn there was more clevege showing in the beginning. It could have been my imagination, but I really believe the picture changed.
"I used to believe only faith could make a sick person well until I saw you, because, baby, you just healed something deep inside me that I'd never let Benny Hinn touch."
Wait -- Benny's a Charismatic. Don't "Hard Core" Baptists pretty much assume he's on his way to the flames? Heck, don't rather boring Baptists and a slew of others think roughly the same?
Next article: Worship songs that sound like porn titles. Go.
Come and Fill Me Up
BJ1 really needs help. He's really crossing the line.
Aw Mom, I'm just having a little fun.
Didn’t we meet at Bob Jones University? Because I would love to BJU.
Boy that is some nasty stuff.
At first I thought I was reading something out of Larry Flints Hustler Mag.
I have heard of sacrilegious but that stuff is worse than that.
Scott La Counte is a real credit to the Whittenburg Door.
You read Hustler. I only look at the pictures.
2:5 Your two breasts are like two fawns, like twin fawns of a gazelle that browse among the lilies.
3:16 Awake, north wind, and come, south wind! Blow on my garden,
that its fragrance may spread abroad. Let my lover come into his garden and taste its choice fruits.
7:2 Your navel is a rounded goblet that never lacks blended wine.
Your waist is a mound of wheat encircled by lilies.
7:3 Your breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle.
7:7 Your stature is like that of the palm, and your breasts like clusters of fruit. 8 I said, "I will climb the palm tree;
I will take hold of its fruit." May your breasts be like the clusters of the vine, the fragrance of your breath like apples,
and your mouth like the best wine.
8:8 We have a young sister, and her breasts are not yet grown.
What shall we do for our sister for the day she is spoken for?
Boing!
OK, BJ. That one word post made me laugh out loud; comedy is all about the timing. Perfect.
Just a thought: Ephesians 5:3-4
3 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. 4 Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.
Never trust an anonymous bible quoter.
Post new comment