Bunnyman Killed on Copeland Ranch


By C Hinkel

A joyous Easter celebration in Newark, Texas, turned gloomy last Friday when an unemployed Mexican illegal alien dressed as a giant rabbit was inadvertently massacred by rednecks on Kenneth Copeland's property.

Bunny man shot

On Friday afternoon the members of Eagle Mountain International Church threw an Easter egg hunt for their pastors, Kenneth and Gloria Copeland, but instead of hiding chocolate eggs and marshmallow bunnies, parishioners hid envelopes stuffed with hundred-dollar bills, diamond jewelry, and the keys to a Porsche, a Ferrari, and a Lamborghini.

This lovely gesture came as a surprise to the televangelist couple, who had just returned from a ministry trip to Tahiti where they were preaching on one of the remote unoccupied islands. As soon as they stepped off the jet and onto their college-campus-sized front lawn, the entire church ran to greet them, shouting, “The Bible says if you seek, you will find! So find, pastors, find!"

At first the Copelands didn't know what was going on and had several dozen of the church members roughed up by security guards and immobilized with flex-cuffs. But once the couple realized that there had been no unauthorized breach of the security perimeter, they broke into broad grins, put away their sidearms, and embraced each of the handcuffed faithful.

"Our little flock," Gloria said, her eyes welling with tears, "this is just beautiful."

Ultimately, Gloria alone found more than $100,000 in unmarked bills, several pearl necklaces, three sets of diamond earrings, and the keys to the Ferrari. Kenneth pretended to be jealous, but he did even better, acquiring more than $170,000, two Rolex watches, two diamond rings, the keys to both the Lamborghini and the Porsche, and a lifetime membership to an Oahu country club, complete with the services of a native Hawaiian caddy.

Unfortunately, the hunt was not quite over when a man dressed in a bunny costume was inadvertently shot by the Copelands' neighbor, Bobby John Hippuk.

The man, Jesus Gomez, a circus clown by trade, had been hired to skip around the property and infuse “the Easter spirit” as the Copelands filled their custom Easter baskets. Gomez, who was only 5’2” tall, apparently wandered a ways off the parsonage grounds, looking for offering envelopes that the Copelands might have overlooked.

“We’re just poor people," Albertina Gomez, Jesus’ wife, told police. “We just got an eviction notice yesterday, and this week we haven’t even been able to buy food for our family. Jesus was an honest man, but desperation probably got the better of him.”

The shooting was ruled accidental by the local justice of the peace after Hippuk explained that he was out hunting jackrabbits at the time and thought Gomez was simply a very big prize.

“Well, we are in Texas, after all,” said Tarrant County Sheriff Theodore Bikel.

Funeral services for Gomez will be held Tuesday at Newark’s Faith Baptist Church.

Although Copeland expressed “regret” at the incident in a press release, he ruled out a donation to the Gomez family. “They don’t pay their tithes to EMIC,” Copeland said. “However, we agreed to pay the full fee that Mr. Gomez would have earned for impersonating the rabbit for the entire day, even though he was killed two hours before his shift was over. We thought it was the Christian thing to do.”


Paul in Maine | 07:30 am on 3/28/2008

I heard that Mr. Hippuk is a graduate of the Dick Cheney School of Closed Eyes Shooting.

Anonymous | 01:06 pm on 1/26/2009

he is really real

Anonymous | 01:06 pm on 1/26/2009

he is really real

Anonymous | 01:06 pm on 1/26/2009

he is really real

that calvinist doug | 08:11 am on 3/28/2008

Hippuk was later heard crying out in a lilting, singsong voice to the magistrate, "I shot Jesus, but I did not shoot the Easter Bunny!"

buda | 10:37 am on 3/28/2008

Wonderfully obscure, TCD, I prefer the Marley version to the Clapton one myself.

that calvinist doug | 10:42 am on 3/28/2008

it's refer madness

BJ | 02:46 pm on 3/28/2008

I heard Ian McCulloch was pissed.

buda | 04:44 pm on 3/28/2008

Not as pissed as when "Echo & the Bogusmen" went on without him.

Prophet Lopi | 10:20 am on 3/28/2008

The Copelands should be referred to as the "Dopelands". The arrogance and cruelness they displayed towards the man shot is abomniable. Well; the whole incident speaks of their ministry. One of harvesting the hearts and minds of the mindless for cash. Then, when it appeared someone might be halting the harvest. The prophets of self and money had one of their slave class kill the offender. It just proves one thing about the "Dopelands" they have no concept of eternity or the ONE who is eternity.They are simply whores who have taken the semen of their lover the world of self and money and continue to produce children and fruit from this unholy cupling or should that be Copeling?

that calvinist doug | 10:37 am on 3/28/2008

Um, Prophet, you realize this was a joke, right?

Prophet Lopi | 12:48 pm on 3/28/2008

I guess my over 30 years of "being in the Way" and personel experiences with these prophets of self and money made me have a "Senior moment". Although it is Satire, it is close to the Simple Truth about these Demons of Deception and Despensers of Dung.
Thanks Calvinist Doug

Discerner 24/7 | 05:04 am on 3/29/2008

Yes Doug it's satire. But I've always heard that for satire to work there has to be a grain of truth to it. Everything in the story could've happened except the shooting of course. "Fort Worthless" Kenny and "Glory-ria" are indeed the "Dopelands." And sadly these two are for real and no joke except to orthodox Christians!

Prophet Lopi | 02:48 pm on 3/29/2008

Discerner- I love this part "Fort Worthless" Kenny and "Glory-ria"
They would just be sad selfish people if they weren't willing pawns on the chessboard of spiritual death constructed by satan.

Discerner 24/7 | 07:27 pm on 3/29/2008

Well Proph, you've got about 10 years more on me! I was in the "Word Of Faith" about 20 years. Kenny and "Glory" well lets just say I know a lot about their doctrine. Never met them personally but very familiar with their tactics. Take heart they aren't really getting away with anything.

Prophet Lopi | 09:17 pm on 3/29/2008

I meet, through my pastor, the late Kenneth Hagin. I found him arrogant and condesending towards those he ministered to. I came up in the Charasmatic Renewal of the late 60's and 70's. Then witnessed a move of Father highjacked by the prophets of self and money and those bent on acquiring position and a place at the religious roundtable. It was so sad to see something that was so organic turn into something that was nothing but money producing organizations. But that is what has happened since the time of Constantine. We have just witnessed something else that started organic (the apostolic and prophetic or is that the assumed and pathetic movement) turning into another christian money machine for the annoited few. You know them, they are always releasing annoitings and picking up cash. Through it all we will all learn to trust in Jesus

Discerner 24/7 | 05:45 am on 3/30/2008

I have a family member who is a Rhema grad. This family member now disagrees with the faith movement. I suggest you go to a site called "victory through the word." This guy Troy Edwards,is an obnoxious "WOF" apologist. You'll get a good laugh or groan,from Edward's site. Heck,if you have "revelation knowledge" like these "faith" guys,you can afford to be arrogant and condescending! We make fun of Copeland but their is nothing funny about his ridiculous theology!

Prophet Lopi | 10:22 am on 3/30/2008

How true Discerner. I will check out the suggested web site. The problem they have is, to keep the cash coming. They must always have some new "Revelation Truth" to feed the fawning masses. What always made my shake my head was those, "Inside Groups". The ones that recieved the "Special Revelation Truths", which means they gave more cash than just the "Revelation Truth" group. But Jesus told us we would always have these people .Too bad for them, they really miss getting to know Father and the peace that it brings.

Josh C. | 11:38 am on 3/28/2008

The article reminded me of this humor skit. Enjoy


SRebbe | 12:25 pm on 3/28/2008

Just goes to prove the law... the blind can go huntin' long as they have a guide.

Paul in Maine | 02:15 pm on 3/28/2008

They should've skinned that rabbit and nailed it to some sort of pole, with possibly a perpendicular piece at the top, to spread the fore-legs.

Then they could've left it for say, 3 days. After that, it would be clean, and all could partake.

Just a thought...

40 degrees and sunshine yesterday, 30 degrees and snow today.

SlowUturn | 11:11 pm on 3/28/2008

Unmarked bills- that's what i call nondenominational.... too bad the rabbit's luck ran out...... Are atheists a non-prophet group?

Shangri La | 09:19 am on 3/30/2008

This is funny?

Discerner 24/7 | 05:41 pm on 3/30/2008

Actually Shang, it isn't funny. Kenneth Copeland is one of the biggest charlatans to infest the church. His defective theology,now that's funny!And sad!

Cynth | 11:11 am on 4/02/2008

I said it before elsewhere: it isn't really satire if there's no anger involved.

You've been watching too much TV to think that "satire" and "parody" are one and the same. Satire by it's very nature (and job description by way of centuries of practitioners) is cutting, biting and often painful to read.

Here's a very simple way to distinguish between "parody" and "satire". You may wish to take notes.

Parody: cartoonish, soft-ball, causes very little outrage, easily understood by all. Examples include Family Guy, The Simpsons, post-70's National Lampoon (especially the movies) and much of post-70's SNL.

Satire: painful to read or watch, inspires anger, often misunderstood as a pure representation of reality. Examples include Monty Python's Flying Circus, the first decade of National Lampoon, the first few years of SNL (Not Ready for Prime Time Players era) and Jonathan Swift's "A Modest Proposal"--which still gets people angry that someone would even consider the idea of selling poor babies to feed the wealthy to be "funny."

Most people don't even get that Dante's The Inferno is satire. Don't worry. You can always blame the educational system for your not being able to "get" satire. If they don't teach it, you can't learn it. And no one even bothers becoming an English Lit major these days since it only leads to a life of fast food franchise management.

Discerner 24/7 | 01:27 pm on 4/02/2008

I don't know about you Cynth,but the Copelands inspire anger and disgust with me! So for me it's satire. Parody? Satire? Whatever, the Copeland's are still charlatans. You know,wolves in sheep's clothing?

calvinist buck | 01:44 pm on 4/02/2008

the copelands are so far from the truth I am not sure if god knows them.

that calvinist doug | 01:50 pm on 4/02/2008

He knows them, but they're not on his Christmas card list.

60613 | 03:51 pm on 4/02/2008

"This lovely gesture came as a surprise to the televangelist couple, who had just returned from a ministry trip to Tahiti where they were preaching on one of the remote unoccupied islands."

Well at least they were spreading the Word.

Process Deist | 04:07 pm on 4/02/2008

Did you catch the part about "unoccupied island"?

60613 | 02:03 pm on 4/17/2008

Yes - I did get that "unoccupied" part.

But the Word of God is the Word of God - and, even spoken into the void (or so I was taught) shall return goodness unto the speaker!

(The lecture might have been about John the Baptist's role in the whole mythology (voice in the wilderness and all that), but I was stoned and might have missed the intention of the speaker. Sorry.)

The Enemy Below | 09:02 pm on 4/02/2008

As Foghorn Leghorn used to say"That's A Joke Son!!I Say!!That's A Joke son!!".

Anonymous | 09:42 pm on 4/02/2008

You realize, don't you, 60613, that all their "preaching trips" take place in resort areas around the world and they stay in the most expensive hotels, expecting to be treated like king and queen with their entourage?

60613 | 02:06 pm on 4/17/2008

Yes! I do understand! And they should stay in the most expensive hotels, and they should be treated like king and queen with their entourage!

Isn't that what the sermon on the mount was all about? The first last and the last first and all that?

The meek shall inherit the earth, surely - but those who are not meek must grasp the wealth and glory while they can!

Would you deny these apostles of Christ (sorry - threw up in my mouth a little with that one) the perks of those who have brought so many souls to salvation?

(I have to leave now - the porcelin goddess is calling...)

BJ | 09:56 am on 4/03/2008

Fortunately the rabbit's companion, Alice, was able to evade the gun fire by diving into the rabbit's hole. She was discovered later by the Copelands who convinced her God wanted her to sell her restaurant and give the profit to them. After all the hole that saved her life was on their property. It was a holy hole provided by God to provide safe haven from the devil's gun fire.
Alice joined the Copelands minstry and started her own hole ministry. Many people made the pilgramige to see Alice's hole. She overcame much critisism from the media who claimed she didn't know her ass from a hole in the ground.
Everything began to fall apart when she married a member of the Copeland staff. He became jealous of her ministry and demanded she stop showing her hole to every Tom, Dick, and Harry.
One day he made good on his his threat, "one of these days Alice, pow ...."
An effort was made to locate Alice, but all we were told was, "she doesn't live here anymore."

that calvinist doug | 10:57 am on 4/03/2008

She then became a single mom, sold her restaurant to a dude named Mel, and became the lesbian lover of her fellow waitress, Flo.

JoshH | 04:50 am on 4/10/2008

You heard what the Van Impes said about Flo's prophetic words describing the signs that the Copelands will realize they're full of shit, don't you?

"That'll be when donkeys fly."

Anonymous | 05:12 am on 4/07/2008

Who Knows.. maybe one day that Rabbit will be Kennyboy and Glorious Gloria in the sights of Senator Grassleys gun?? we can all dream ....

Anonymous | 06:04 am on 4/07/2008

The article is pure satire because it is at its root anger, anger at the televangelists who have cheapened the grace of God with their get rich theology.

Anonymous | 05:03 pm on 4/09/2008

The moral of the story: Jesus was shot because of the prosperity gospel. He was crucified 2000 years ago; today He is killed with a gun by the hands of sinful man. We all need to step back and embrace the true gospel of Spiritled giving and contentment.

60613 | 02:12 pm on 4/17/2008

I think I'll say "this is my spiritled giving for the contentment you give me" when I tip my favorite bartender.

He's so very sweet to me when I order my fourth martini on a Friday evening. (Kettle One vodka, rinse the glass with vermouth, shake vigorously, please... and three large unstuffed olives for fiber.)

Anonymous | 04:37 pm on 10/30/2009

hy yujigtjkrutjutgrrtugtjiutuy nvnhjtyi mkgtyjtuyktj hkt6yuitiy mtgirel.drjrktjktykjghljfyjkgfhjktgfyuhkg gfkyjotyrkjgh fjtkyhrtj nhjktjtyryjfglktjhkdrl;ittr dhgreygyjikur rjykyjtkj it ghjjt t

Dorothy | 01:09 am on 8/29/2010

Sounds like all of you have never experience the love of God. Which puts you all in under the same judgment and in the same hell where you are placing the Copelands. Ouch! no, I am not a fan of the Copelands just a genuine believer who believes that, the only target is a real live Satan (Devil) who hates love and he is a murder from the beginning. If any of you knew love which is God the creator and maker of the universe. Then you would also know that, Satan is the author of any deceptive situation. You all should be praying for the Copelands so that they might regain any lost conscience and return to the Truth of Jesus Christ and not just to your truth which is meaningless. Not you all's will but, the will of God be done. The bible says that we are not to judge (condemn) his ministers. That, He (God) is the only one that, can do that and in his judgment He (God) is able to make them stand or fall. You put your life and families under the same condemnation with which you are putting the Copelands. How many of you have family members who are sick,dying, on drugs, in to divorce and unhappy marriages, job emblezzement etc; What about you; yourselves? You all talk like you are rich and in need of nothing. Pray for the Copeland's and see how much your life will change. We all live under the power of the darkness of this world which is influence by Satan. But thanks be to God who always causes us to triumph through the Holy Ghost. If you guys would join me in prayer praying that, God would reveal his love and kindness to the Copelands then, we could snatch them out of the hands of the devil and we all could be delivered from the snare of the fowler. But with all of the strife, bitters, and hatred that, I hear coming from your hearts it is very apparent that according to scripture you all do not believe that, the blood of Jesus is the only thing that, can make mankind whole and clean. We all were born and shaped in iniquity. Every human being coming into the world need the Savior Jesus Christ. Let love be your empire when talking about the Copeland's. If you don't know what love is or what it looks like, then asked God to reveal it to your heart and cause it to be made manifested to you. Love is the key;especially if you are a child of the King.

May the Lord Bless (give you more spiritual understanding)you and keep you.

From: Dorothy/in the "HOOD" of Fort Worth, Texas

I am not afraid of the gospel or revealing who, I am because, I am a courageous daughter of the KING.

lamb of god | 11:16 am on 1/09/2011

poor dude

Post new comment

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.