God Drives a Volvo
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RSS ReaderAssistant Rabbi Uria Ohana of Chabad Lubavitch was entering a subway station in Brooklyn when Ali Hussein snatched the yarmulke off his head. Ohana chased Hussein to get his yarmulke back, with Hussein’s Arabic friends joining in the foot chase, screaming “Allah-hu Akbar!” As they all ran outside the station, Hussein darted into the street and was knocked over by a blue Volvo. Hussein remained on the ground, crying, his leg broken, long enough for police to arrive, but Hussein’s friends had fled the scene. The lesson for all of us is that God can, at any time, should He so desire, send a five-cylinder turbocharged T5 engine with 1,500 to 5,000 rpms of torque and 227 horsepower to put 3,792 pounds of metal on your ass.
You can throw your rock, hide your hand,
Workin in the dark against your fellow man.
But as sure as God made black and white,
What's done in the dark,
Will be brought to the light.
You can run on for a long time,
Run on for a long time,
Run on for a long time,
Sooner, or later, God'll cut you down.
Sooner, or later, God'll cut you down.
Go and tell that long tongue liar,
Go and tell that midnight rider,
Tell the rambler, the gambler, the back biter,
Tell 'em that God's gonna cut 'em down.
(Taken from 'God's Gonna Cut You Down', by Johnny Cash)
I just love redneck theology.
It promises certin retribution.
And the book of Daniel is good also.
I like the parts about God is gonna get you for that and he is going to let me watch.
I will go get the Cash version immediately. I only have the Moby mix version from Play. I think he got it from a much older spiritual.
Ya, the old testament prophets were some violent, vengeful, sobs. There is no direct retribution for evil. None. Karma still holds true, The Jesus version of Karma being the principal of Sowing and Reaping. But those two laws of the universe (being essentially the same principal) are more like the Pirate Code - they are really more like guidelines.
Speaking of rocks... We all were given rocks on Sunday because of the sermon illustration. No, it wasn't a stoning illustration, tho the thought did jump into my head. It was because my glorious preacher didn't like General Mills marketing ploy -- "Everybody Needs A Rock"-- about kids being encouraged to find a special rock and appreciate G-d's creation. No, he insisted it should be renamed "Everybody Needs THE Rock". Because General Mills is wrong. Always. And a secular illustration can't be compromised.
I always thought Peter was the rock upon whom this church was built, while and a friend of mine went into an obscure sci-fi reference... needless to say, the point was lost overall by many of us with imaginations.
Yep, G-d is gonna gitcha and he's gonna let me watch... uh huh, you just keep thinkin' that, preecher man.
I think that most preachers sermons are lost on people with imaginations. and hangovers.
He drives a Volvo, eh? Then doesn't he by law have to wear Birkenstocks, vote Democratic, participate in ELF rallies (or at least The Sierra Club), AND listen to NPR?
and live in Austin, Texas and that keeps religion weird.
Nah, they drive Subaru Outback wagons.
"1500 to 5000 rpms of torque?"
What in the Sam Hill you talkin' 'bout, son? Torque is stump-pulling power, and the Good Lord sure has that aplenty. Even gives some to Volvos, though He generally manifests that gift most righteously in a Cummins Diesel.
But Arr Pee Ems means rotations per minute, and measures engine speed. You want to measure torque, that's foot/pounds you need, or newton/meters, if y'all are of the metric persuasion.
You hang your hat in big truck country, where torque is king, so's it's for yer own good I'm tellin' you this. Wouldn't want y'all to seem unlearned in the ways of torque...might be a stumbling block to your evangelism, brother.
A righteous reply, brother buford, I was wondering about that myself. I guess we can't expect Joe Bob to be an expert about everything.
Buford and Duda.....Ok, boys.
Let me tell you something you might understand.
I have two Ford F-350's. One has a Tulsa 12 ton pto winch, on a Lely Oil Field bed with a roll board and gin poles. When I use two snatch blocks, and hook to my dozer, I am pulling 96,000. lbs of line pull. To put this in the words of my old friend Delbert....I can pull 'Hell off the Cross'.
Boys, I do this stuff for a livin'.
Theology is my hobby.
Holy shit, Deist, I totally took you for an intellectual type. Glasses and a pasty, cubical complexion. Maybe a post-grad student or something. I bet the boys on the job site love it when you put NPR on the radio and bust out the Nietzsche over lunch. I stand corrected, Sir. Have a happy Easter ...er... Spring Solstice,... er.... day off, or whatever you might celebrate.
'Duda' was supposed to be 'buda', I have got to get this damned leprosy looked at, it's starting to cause problems.
What can I say....I like to move heavy objects that have no wheels.
NPR is good, but I like WRR 101.1 Classical Music. My off time reading currently is, 'Adam Eve and the Serpent by Elaine Pagels. I read it a few years ago and now I'm thinking through it again.
Hey, it's not bad to celebrate Easter. A little ham, some potato salad, a glass or two of cabernet sauvignon, it's a great holiday.
You need some "Hank Williams III" in your truck, Hank Jr's son, then you can be both hip and old-school at the same time. He has a severe potty-mouth though, don't want to play it around the youngsters or your momma.
Love NPR, for music I have about 5 thousand in the ipod, and our local Mennonite college (go figure) has a good music station, hip indie and folk stuff, 91.1 The Globe. I read too much history/biography but I'm going (slowly) through Thomas Merton and Thich Nhat Hanh. I love the concept of mysticism, wish I could believe it. It is sort of like watching Kung-Fu movies. It is beautiful and artistically pleasing but not much practical good.
Real men use Cummins turbo diesels.
Perhaps the least enlightening quasi-discussion I have had the displeasure of witnessing. Satire or blind goofiness?
A little of both. Along with a healthy slice of theology.
We sometimes wrap deep questions in a funny way.
I do belive that guy Jesus did that, once in a while.
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